i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
