you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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