if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
