i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
