Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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