I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
