I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
