is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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