I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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