i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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