My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
