Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
