There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
