I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
