This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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