I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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