I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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