Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
