I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Drunk is not a location!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
