I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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