Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
