I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
17 year olds will be the death of me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Randomize
