Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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