I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
