i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
