please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
