If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
