You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
