So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
