Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
