Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
