between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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