Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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