I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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