I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
