and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
