i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
