so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
