The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
