I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
