In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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