we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
