Whod you bang
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
