Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
