I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
