you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
