it glows. i had to have it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
