My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
