Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
