she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
