Are we in a gay sports bar?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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