Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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