what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
