Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
