Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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