I'm lost and stupid without you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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